The Christmas Tree vs Liam

For the past week or so my husband and I have been discussing the issues with putting up a Christmas tree and having our 15 month old wild child Liam in the same vicinity as the tree all day, every day. We have a strict family tradition of getting a real tree. However, because of Liam I brought up us getting a fake tree for this year only. All I could picture was Liam yanking at the tree and needles constantly flying everywhere. Or him even eating the needles and pooping them out! Yes, these were seriously my thoughts. Don shot my idea down saying we'd still get our usual real tree and just teach Liam not to touch it. Ha! I'm sure he can easily make that decision because he wouldn't be the one chasing the baby away from the tree all day long.

I eventually mentioned the dilemma to my mom who advised us to skip getting a tree all together this year. I know her Christmas spirit is a bit dim this year due to the recent passing of my dad, but I agreed with her that going without a tree for one year isn't going to be the end of the world of hurt anyone. All it would do is save me from insanity, in my eyes, but in Don's eyes I was being a scrooge and because we have kids they can't have a Christmas without a tree. I understand his point of view as well, but once again, he doesn't have to be the one home all day fighting the endless battle to save the tree from being destroyed by our ball of energy, wild boys.

In the end, Don won me over and we continued our family tradition by going to get our beautiful and lovely smelling real tree yesterday afternoon. We got the tree up, lit and decorated and it looked great...and even stood up straight for once! We looked around at our nicely holiday decorated home and it felt and looked wonderful. I simply love this time of year and all the home decor that goes along with it. I can feel my home come to life with lights, color, the life of the tree, fresh pine scents, cheerful music and pure bliss. That is until...do do do do.......do do do do.......the little ever so cute monster Liam is let loose and the battle of the tree vs Liam begins!

Yesterday Don was off for the day so I had his help keeping Liam either away from the tree or only playing with the unbreakable ornaments that I purposely placed on the bottom of the tree so I wouldn't have a problem with him taking these ones off to play with. So that day wasn't so bad. Today, however, is a whole different story as I'm the only one here trying to control an uncontrollable boy and situation. I did make the mistake of placing some of the cranberry strings lower on the tree, so of course Liam was fascinated by the red ball looking objects and eyed them like his prey until he was finally able to yank an entire string off while I was out of the room for a whole minute or two. Then Aiden just had to fight with him over it and sure enough, the string busted and the cranberries went everywhere! That was my final straw. It wasn't even 9am and I was beyond over this endless battle. It was exhausting and clearly stressing me out, even though I had swore up and down to not let the issue get to me because it's just a tree and just decorations. It's not as though Liam is running around with my wedding ring in his mouth or something insane like that. I get it. The tree is something new. It's pretty. There's lights and shiny objects on it. What 15 month old child wouldn't want to get his hands all over it and play? But it's still one more thing for Liam to get into and me having to spend the day trying to keep him away from it. I thought him getting into the pantry was bad! Hell, at this point he can dump all the crackers on the floor all he wants if he would just leave our pretty tree alone. I know I'm asking a lot, probably too much, so at this point I either need to just let him go and if the tree gets destroyed then so be it or take it down all together. I can't let myself get worked up and stressed out over something that's not going to get any better anytime soon. I knew this was going to be the case, I still gave into getting the tree, so now I have to deal with the consequences. To top it all off I noticed the tree stand is leaking water everywhere. Gotta love icing on the cake!

So I'm afraid to say that at the end of this war....the Christmas Tree vs Liam.....Liam is sure to be the winner!

 Liam vs The Christmas Tree

Good thing I have a huge stock of ibuprofen, because for the next month, I'm especially going to need it!

Two is Enough for Me...I think

Yesterday I was grocery shopping at Walmart....yes, I said Walmart, and don't even think of giving me shit for that! I would totally shop at Target or Meijer if we had those one stop shopping choices, but we don't, so Walmart it is. I'll secretly admit, I kind of like it too. Okay, enough of the Walmart talk! Back to my story!

So...like I said...I was shopping the other day and while in the check out lane an older lady started to chat with me. She was watching Aiden and Liam interact together and then proceeded to tell me a funny story about her grand daughter's letter to Santa asking if he can bring her all the toys and nothing for her little sister. I literally laughed out loud and told her that Aiden would seriously ask Santa to just take Liam away. He'd be happy having no more baby brother in his way for Christmas rather then all the legos in the world. Although I write that now, but lately the boys have been playing so wonderfully together and each time that happens my heart only glows with more and more warmth.

My random conversation with the old lady continued. She said that when two of her boys were younger that absolutely hated each other. The older one ended up joining the Army and was sent off to Iraq several times. Years later his younger brother decided to join the Navy and the older brother had his behind. He was so upset with his decision and wanted nothing more then for his little brother to be safe and sound instead of being sent off to his well known future in the war. This story also reminded me of Aiden and Liam. Aiden continuously says how much he doesn't like Liam and wishes he wasn't here, but then there are numerous moments throughout each day when I catch Aiden looking out for Liam's well being, playing with Liam and reaching out to be Liam's big brother who underneath it all truly loves him unconditionally.

The last part of our Walmart checkout lane conversation was about her having 7 boys! Yes folks, I said SEVEN!!! O-M-G!!! I proceeded to tell her that I had always wanted 3 or 4 children, but because I've been blessed with 2 wild boys first, I plan to stop right here in my baby making tracks, because two boys is plenty for me, or so I think, for now. She looked at me with such genuine, caring and understanding eyes that let me know she knew exactly where I was coming from. She then told me yes, it's not easy when the boys are young, but she also informed me how amazing her life is now with them all grown and looking out for her left and right. She said the other say one of her sons called her and she couldn't answer the phone because she was busy doing laundry. He immediately showed up at her house worried about her thinking maybe she had had a heart attack and that's why she hadn't answered the phone. I absolutely love mama's boys who grow up to look after their mom and love her like no one else.

I also look forward to that grown relationship with my boys, but I just honestly don't know if I could handle another little one jumping off my couches, climbing in my pantry and peeing all over my toilets. I think boys are amazing. A huge burst of energy that fills me with a special kind of love where already I can sense them looking out for me and wanting to make sure I am okay, as I also hope they do as adults. I like to think I'm raising independent mama's boys, because in my own personal experience, the mama's boys are the best boys and treat their ladies the best as well.

I deeply enjoy and love being a mom to two vivacious and full of life boys. However, I just don't see a possible third one in my future creating a personal path to sanity either. They are fun and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but they challenge me every other minute and truly make me believe that I am totally satisfied with ending my child bearing years with my little Aries and Leo by my side. Maybe, just maybe, if I was guaranteed a girl round three I'd take that route, or if I lived near more family for more support, but those are not my reality, so at the end of the day I'm very happy with my decision and love the feeling of completeness I now feel when looking at my amazing three boys knowing that this is it and will just hope and pray they give me lots of grand babies in the future to continue the growth of our beautiful family that I love so much!

A Morning of Grief with Aiden

Yesterday morning was an emotional roller coaster ride of grief. It might sound strange, but it was one of the most special moments I've had in a long time, especially because I shared the experience with Aiden who is grieving the loss of his beloved Papa just as much as I am over the loss of my father just 3 short months ago.

Aiden has a wonderful book called "The Kissing Hand". The story is about a mom who shows her son that if she kisses his hand and he is ever without her and missing her, all he has to do is hold his hand to his cheek and remember his mother's love is always with him no matter where he goes. The book came with some cute heart shaped stickers that say The Kissing Hand on them so you can place a sticker on your hand to remind you of that endless love.

Yesterday morning I walked into Aiden's room and he had placed one of the stickers up on his bedroom wall. He told me it was for Papa because he will always be in his heart. He then showed me the two stickers he had placed on each of his hands and said one was for me and the other was for Grandma. I immediately teared up and hugged him tightly as he continued to display his grief and telling me how much he misses Papa.

We then went out into the living room where I was watching the very emotional final farewell to Regis show. They had the cast of "Rent" come on to perform their wonderful song "Seasons of Love" only changing some of the words to match things within Regis's long time career on the Regis and Kelly Show. I have always loved this song and for some reason it now makes me think of my dad. I lost it. So while Aiden sits on the couch continuing to say how much he misses Papa and that we need to get a new Papa, I sobbed while Liam looks at both of us in total confusion and of course a sense of humor. I haven't cried over the loss of my dad in quite some time. People keep telling me the tears will often come out of no where and can be brought on by simple things, like a song or a smell, and they couldn't have been more right.

Aiden and I embraced with tears flowing and it felt amazing to say the least. To have someone, even a four year old, to share those moments with is priceless. I explained to him like I always do that it's okay to be sad and it's okay to cry. When we have such raw emotions come to the surface we need to be sure to just stop what ever we're doing and take the time to feel. It was a much needed release for the both of us and my biggest hope is that by me and Aiden sharing our moments of grief together that we will also continue to heal and find peace together as well.

Missing you now and always Dad/Papa. May you continue to watch over us, rest in peace and live on in our hearts forever.

Just Because I Complain Sometimes, Doesn't Mean I'm not Grateful

As a mom, especially a stay at home mom with a husband who works very long hours to help support us and a family who lives 700 miles away (except for my sister who is thankfully also here in MN), I feel I have rightfully earned the right to complain once in a while. Look, I get it, things could always be worse. I could be a single mom, I could have a husband in the military who's away for years at a time, I could have no family at all or one who is so messed up I choose for them to not even be a part of my life, I could have an unhealthy child in and out of the hospital all the time, I could be infertile and unable to have any children of my own and so on and so forth. Always knowing that things could be worse and I could really have a lot more bigger and uglier things to complain about does keep me grounded knowing that I truly do live a wonderful life filled with many blessings to be ever so grateful for.

Motherhood is one of the most amazing and beautiful experiences I have ever been blessed with. However, if you want to be real about it too, you can honestly say, as I have no shame in saying, that it's also one of the most challenging "jobs" you'll ever face. Every day is a unique roller coaster with its own surprise twists, turns and sometimes upside down loopty loops! Not one day is perfect, and I'm okay with that because guess what, that's life. If it was perfect, honestly it'd be boring. Some mornings Aiden wakes up hating Liam and wanting nothing to do with him. Ten minutes later they're chasing each other around in the dark with flashlights filling our home with childhood laughter that can make anyone smile on their worst of days. This is exactly what the beauty and amazement of parenthood is all about. Your children will drive you absolutely up the wall and then turn around and do something so sweet and so priceless that makes all the madness worth every headache at the end of each day. These moments I'm forever grateful for. They keep me sane and always remind me why I love what I do and that even though life in general can be crazy and insane while throwing us curve balls left and right, it's the beautiful moments in life that end up shining through all the darkness and those are the moments that keep us grateful for the lives we have and the lives we're going to continue to live in the future.

Three of my most precious blessings that I'll forever be grateful for!

The Sweet Barbershop

I have been cutting Aiden's hair since he was born and have begun to cut Liam's as well. I must admit that poor Aiden was tortured with a bowl cut for quite some time as I clearly had no idea what the heck I was doing. However, the kid screamed bloody murder every time we attempted to get his hair professionally cut, which was way more torture then me just doing it at home and him living with a horrible hair cut.

Need I say more???

Needless to say, my hair cutting skills have come a long way, although of course they are no where near perfected. However, I must say I have saved our family hundreds of dollars in hair cuts since my boy's hair grows like a weed and needs to be cut every 2 weeks! I actually enjoy doing it when he behaves and sits still. Otherwise, it's a complete and utter nightmare that stresses me out to the max and makes him cry like someone is trying to murder him. I literally have him sit on the living room floor on a towel in front of the tv with cartoons on with hopes of him sitting still and letting me do my job. When this miraculously happens, I think I can do a pretty dang good job for the most part and the results are my handsome little man looking so grown up! When this doesn't happen, I literally have to hold him down while he kicks and screams trying to chop away the best I can. The results can often be dangerous with a total botched hair cut that only embarrasses myself. Of course, he could care less.

Today was a big day at the Sweet Barbershop! For the first time Aiden let me trim around his ears and his neck with the clippers!!! O-M-G!!! This my friends is a miracle!!! He's always been very sensitive to noise, so if I even attempted to come near him with the clippers he would run. Today, this was not the case, once again showing me how much he's growing up and more accepting to change. Hats off to Aiden!!! For the first time ever he doesn't have a single sign of side burns or neck fuzz! YAY!!! You just don't know how much this excites me and I know he was pretty dang proud of himself too.





Motherhood and Hangovers Don't Mix

Saturday night we had some good friends down from the cities for the night. We had a little too much fun together as Ma introduced me to a new pink liquid of yumminess called Nuvo (I think). It's like a sparkling champagne, but you take shots of it instead. Needless to say, yeah, we drank the entire bottle while our men were at the bar picking up dinner. No, no...number one. Number two was when Don suggested we bust open the Polish bottle of vodka we'd been hanging on to for years to share with my dad who had such a deep love for his Polish background and was always fascinated with anything Polish. Thankfully I only took one very small shot of that and had one small cranberry and vodka drink, but obviously that was after I had already consumed enough alcohol to put me out for the night! Oh how visitors know how to help us let loose. Now if only it didn't hurt so bad the next day!

The first culprit...

And the second culprit!

If we only knew...

I absolutely hate hangovers, as I'm sure everybody does, but being a mom and dealing with one is twice the pain. Not only do they clearly not understand why you don't feel so good and are acting quite sluggish, but of course they expect you to be on your toes like usual and do all the wonderful super mommy things you normally do on a daily basis. Talk about guilt! Thankfully I can say I did make it to bed early compared to many of our other nights hanging out with friends, but I'm also sure I drank enough for a few people so no matter how much sleep I got it was not going to make too much of a difference.

It was a very good thing that both boys slept in Sunday morning and sure enough I dragged my butt out of bed to care for them as I always do and always will no matter how crappy I might feel. That's just what a good mom does, and yes, I'm a good, no great, mom! :)

However, I will admit that I really didn't feel like running around and playing with them as much as I usually do. I'm sure I resorted to the tv as entertainment even more then I usually do, if that's even possible! I also took a nice long nap with Liam instead of cleaning up our mess from the night before. How dare I?! I just felt bad knowing what a beautiful day it was outside and we sat lazily inside all day with hopes of curing our hangovers and waiting for bedtime to come so we could get the day over with and feel normal again. No, the boys did not break. Yes, we all survived and everyone was well cared for none the less. I just prefer to not feel that badly when I need to play my mommy role too. They just don't mix. Kind of like during my pre-kid days when I had to go to work hungover sometimes. Same thing. Motherhood is now my job and lord knows trying to perform the best I can at my job with a pounding head and a woozy stomach just don't go hand in hand.

With that said, I will not be partying like I'm 20 again anytime soon. It was fun while it lasted, but just not worth the pain that comes with it!

Raising Rock Stars

I love listening to music. I have a sincere passion for a wide variety of genres from country to hip hop and everything in between. I'm not one of those moms who drives around in the car letting my kids listen to their lullabies and nursery rhyme songs. It's one of the only few and far between moments that I get to listen to MY music without anyone telling me what they want to listen to instead. I refuse to drive around "rocking out" to Nickelodeon's Fresh Beat Band or bobbing my head to Wheels on the Bus when I'm forced to listen to the sunshine and rainbow tunes all day long while the boys watch their cartoons. So don't get me wrong, I don't deprive them of the kiddie music. It's just when driving I don't find anything much more satisfying then jamming out to great tunes all while introducing my children to "real" music.

Now, here's the issue at hand. What's the best kind of music to allow your children to listen to? I always thought being the good mom I am to never listen to my fuck filled rap music around the boys, that's a given. So I thought country would be the next best, especially since it's one of my true loves, which by the way years ago I swore up and down I would NEVER listen to country music. For the most part the tunes are what I considered kid friendly, that is until I started to notice Aiden busting out singing tunes he had memorized on his own. There's something that just doesn't seem right or "appropriate" when a four year old is singing "Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey, whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky" or "It's a quarter after one and I'm a little drunk and I need you now" or "A drink in my hand with no bottom". So the country songs may not be full of cuss words, but instead many mention drinking, partying and getting drunk. Which is better??? Obviously I'd rather have my child singing about drinking rather then busting out f bombs in preschool, but either way the content just isn't very age appropriate for my little ones. If you know me I'm far from a prude and very laid back when it comes to raising my kids. I have no fear of drinking a beer in front of them, although it's not like I'm getting sloshed around them by any means either. However, the last thing I need my child to be singing about in school or around other people who don't really know us is topics involving things he won't be legal to do until 16 years from now. It's funny at home around us and our friends who know what great parents me and Don are, but then you get outside around people who wouldn't understand and would look down on us for those type of songs coming out of our sweet four year old's mouth. I want to say I don't give a shit what other people think about my kids or us as parents since I know the truth along with the people who we care about, but I also don't need Aiden teaching other kids these songs and have their parents no longer allow their kids to play with him because of it. Trust me, his favorite saying of poopy baby diaper has probably come close to knocking out a few good buddies of his thanks to his lovely potty mouth.

With that all said, I feel like I just ranted and raved on about something so silly that I really shouldn't even be worried about. Is that what makes me a good parent at the end of the day? That I really can be concerned with what my child is learning and what kind of words are coming out of their mouths without seeming like an overbearing and over protective prune of a mother? I sure hope so!

I think it's important to introduce children of all ages to music of all genres. It only helps expand their minds and knowledge of an amazing art that can be inspirational and change lives. I want them to grow up knowing how cool their parents really are because at times we choose to turn the tv off and crank the tunes up and I only want them to follow in our footsteps and make music one of their great true loves as well.

I Never Said I Was Perfect

Confessions of a not so perfect mommy:

1. I use bribery...on a daily basis!
2. My one year old has already had candy, cookies, chocolate milk, lemonade and even sips of my diet coke!
3. I still dress my four and a half year old.
4. Aiden wasn't potty trained until he was over 4 years old.
5. Sometimes lets my child win because the fight is too exhausting.
6. I have fallen "asleep" on the couch while my children are up and playing.
7. I let my kids watch way too much TV.
8. My almost 15 month old still takes a bottle at bedtime.
9. My house is never completely clean and never will be and I could care less.
10. When Aiden asks me to play with him I sometimes say no.
11. I sometimes let my kids watch TV while they eat.
12. I cook separate kiddie meals for the boys every night.
13. I pretty much let Aiden eat what he wants as long as it's "real" food.
14. Aiden sleeps on a floor bed right next to our bed, but crawls into bed with us every night at some point.
15. Lets the boys play with toy guns and shoot at each other. Sometimes I join in on the fun.
16. Has given Liam an empty beer bottle to play with before. Whatever works, right?
17. I love my boys to death, but they will never be my life. They are an amazing part of my life, but I refuse to completely give myself up to motherhood. Believe it or not, I'm actually a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a cousin and an individual too!
18. I enjoy my me time and will put my kids to bed early so I can have as much of it as possible, and this time often involves wine or beer.
19. I rarely sanitize my kid's toys, unless someone has been sick, then I give them a good Lysol spray down.
20. I often forget to wash the boys' hands before they eat.
21. My kids never wear a helmet when riding their bikes.
22. I don't read to my kids every day.

So, I could go on and on since obviously I am far from a perfect mom, but what is perfect anyways and wouldn't perfect be boring?! My boys are healthy, smart, thriving, growing, learning, happy and loved. In the end I'm sure that's all that really matters, not whether or not they ate vegetables or only watched one hour of television. Lord knows kids don't come with a handbook, so as parents we all just do what we know and have learned along the way all while hoping and praying that our children's end result is a success with us to thank at the end of the day.

Introduction to my Mommy Madness

I have attempted blogging several times before. I always enjoy it, but for some odd reason my busy life as a wife and stay at home mom of two wild little boys gets in the way of me choosing to spend what little spare time I have blogging rather then sitting motionless on the couch watching trash tv and sipping a glass of wine. However, I'm hoping this go at it again is different because I'm finding a need a larger sense of an outlet and way to rant, rave and vent without judgement of who I am or what kind of mother I may choose to be.

With that said, I've been a stay at home mom for the past 2 years and some odd months. I'd like to think it was by choice, but after losing my last 3 jobs I just began to feel like "someone" out there above and beyond me was sending me a loud and clear message that it was time for me to leave the outside of the home work world and enter into a journey of being the one in charge of raising my children all while getting paid with the rewards of watching their every growth and development rather then in dollars and cents. Is it all worth it? Most days my response would be absolutely! However, I have my doubts of my true abilities to do this job the best that I can since half the time I feel like a walking zombie who lacks sleep, which in return causes me to have little patience or motivation to do much of anything besides keeping my boys alive.

I have two small boys, Aiden is 4 and a half and Liam turned 1 in August...note the day before my father passed away suddenly while we were all in Florida together on a family "dream" turned to nightmare vacation. We can save that rant and rave for another blog. My boys are truly the loves of my life even though they can drive me absolutely crazy on a daily basis. I have another love of my life, my third boy, my husband Don of 12 and a half years. Sadly, we don't get to see him near enough since he has to work his life away trying to support our one income family. He's beyond the hardest and dedicated worker I know and I can only hope our boys inherit that trait and one day understand why daddy was gone so much. He does it all for us.

My job may cause daily "madness" per se, but it also creates daily joys, laughter and a deep sense of accomplishment at the end of each day when the boys are fed, clean and tucked safely into bed while sound asleep and hopefully dreaming of sweet thoughts about how much they are loved each and every day. I sacrifice a lot to put them first, including long, hot showers where I can actually shave my legs and scrub my calloused feet instead of barely allowing myself enough time to wash my hair and body. I can only hope and pray that I'm doing a good job and raising them to become the independent, respectful, driven men myself and their dad wish for them to grow and develop in to. As I once heard, probably on an Oprah show, we're not raising kids, we're raising adults. So if you want them to become successful adults in the future then you have to sacrifice your time now as parents of young children to ensure you're doing all that you can to help guide them down the "right" path, whatever path that may be, and hope that they make the best choices in the end for themselves and their family.

So is the madness worth it, I'll ask again? My answer this time is without a doubt!